As young girls, we have marriage symbolized in our minds to mimic our Barbie dolls. Barbie is well put together; Ken or Ken type is well groomed. Barbie and Ken’s house; immaculate. No conversation or dialogue of any sort happens that you do not want because there is one voice. Yours.  Fast-forward to two adult lives and two kids, dog, mortgage, and full-time jobs. Ken has a slightly different appearance, and you are not a size one.  

If you’re lucky, none of that matters!   Your life mate a.k.a. best friend will be someone that is truthful to you,  sees all of your flaws and still loves you the person any.  You will be the type of person that can hear about those flaws make adjustments to make yourself a better person and love your best friend even more for sharing the truth with you. Being raw with one another and still loving and respecting one another.

Marriage looks very different with adult men. Has a different meaning, and a broader canvas.  I won’t pretend to know the brush in which they use to paint their canvas nor will I pretend to know what the final product will look like.  But I can tell you this image is indeed different it’s counterpart.  

Update from original draft post started in 2015. – yes, this is sometimes what happens when my thoughts are in hold and life steps in. I recently had some time to write…

Understanding what you want is to understand You. Sounds like an easy enough path but unless you have made that deep journey into you, please know that you are kidding yourself. Many of us start off young in relationships, and you can grow into the “finding you” with the person you are with. How do you find what your final product should be?  I do not claim to be an expert. I do claim to be a woman, a wife, a mother and a person who has been on this journey for over several decades and wanted to share. I see too many women and men claiming to be looking for a significant other, and I just needed to shed some insight.

Question 1: THE GOAL – how do you define what you want

Find someone you like.  Point blank and period.  At the end of the day, you want to like each other when sh** starts to hit the fan (and it will).  Hang with the family members.  How your future significant other treats his/her family members, will mimic with you.  At least you will have insight into your future.

Question 2: THE PATH – how to achieve what you want

Find you. The club, The grocery store, The park or in school.  There is no crystal ball on how you will find your significant other.  What I do know is the more you know about you, the easier it will be to see “that” person.  That is if you want to find them honestly.  Finding you is a little harder when you’re young as I was when my husband and I started dating.  The most important thing at that ripe, bold age of 19 was, “you have a car?” – cool!  But as we get older and our taste becomes more refined, picky and specific, that funnel looks smaller and smaller.  So let’s not look through it.  Focus on what you love, what brings you joy because you must love you before anyone else should. Take the time to understand you.  As simple as this sounds, I’m sure as some might know – it is not!  

Questions 3: THE TOLERANCE LEVEL – how to know this is it

This question for me is the one that matters if we are truly boiling things down.  At the end of the day, we are all different.  With difference bring conflict; sometimes.  This is where you will need to know your tolerance level.  To expect someone to make us happy all the time, say and do what we love all the time and please us with our actions every second is impossible.  That’s not to say we need to settle, oh no!! To me, this means how much you are willing to tolerate.  Finding this threshold means understanding you. Once your figure our the answer to your path, your tolerance will be easy.  

I was inspired to share this post that has been sitting in my draft queue for a cool minute because of a dear friend. I blog because I love conversation. Let’s chat relationships.  Thank so much to our so fabulous and personable photographer MariCarmen